Just joking

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:47 am

The NHS are doing a survey, any man with a penis 3 inches or smaller has to display a white flag with a reg cross on it on his car.

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Re: Just joking

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:54 am

what about the 2 ,30ft flags i saw on a house today?

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Re: Just joking

Post by Aiden on Thu Jun 10, 2010 10:41 am

LMAO jess

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:22 am

Taxi drivers are doubling up now, here's 2 in every cab. One to drive, and another to ride shotgun.

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:11 am

Oh To Be 12 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,

and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.


Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.


Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'


Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!


The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Tue Jun 22, 2010 10:48 am

Give a starving African £2, and what does he do with it?

He buys a bloody trumpet!
Rolling Eyes

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Tue Jul 13, 2010 2:32 pm

The England football team have announced their new sponsors:

Total Fuel, FCUK clothing and UPS delivery service.

Their new team shirts will show sponsorship by adding this:

TOTAL FUCK UPS!

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Re: Just joking

Post by madd_rocker on Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:17 pm

Laughing

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Re: Just joking

Post by madd_rocker on Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:27 pm

From the mouth of babes....
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.


Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."


"Very good," said the teacher.


Little Mary was next:


"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."


"Very good, Mary" said the teacher…


Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...


Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.


"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"


"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.


"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"


"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip &
Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."


They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"


Then I would say, "It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"


"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and
then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."


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Re: Just joking

Post by Aiden on Fri Jul 16, 2010 4:58 am

haha
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Re: Just joking

Post by Земляне on Fri Jul 16, 2010 11:51 am

hahaha great jokes
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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:57 am

There’s an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman talking about their teenage daughters.

The Englishman said, “I was cleaning my daughters room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes, I was really shocked, I didn’t even know she smoked!”

The Scotsman said, “That’s nothing, I was cleaning my daughters room and found half a bottle of vodka, I didn’t even know she drank!”

The Irishman said, “Both of you have nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughters room the other day and found a packet of condoms! I was shocked, I didn’t even know she had a cock!”

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Re: Just joking

Post by Земляне on Wed Aug 04, 2010 7:44 am

since when do the irish become shemales or is it irish stupidity.
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Re: Just joking

Post by madd_rocker on Wed Aug 04, 2010 9:45 am

Pick on the Irish week is it Laughing

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:25 am

I just bought some sausages from Sainsbury's with a picture of Jamie Oliver on the front. On the back it says 'prick with a fork'. Can't argue with that! Laughing

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Sat Aug 21, 2010 5:14 am

I've just heard terrorists have planted bombs in hundreds of tins of alphabet spaghetti. If they go off it could spell disaster!!!

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Re: Just joking

Post by Земляне on Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:29 pm

it might spell mess.
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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:28 am

I cut the end off my trouser legs and put them in my library, at the end of each shelf. I thought - there's a turn up for the books!

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Re: Just joking

Post by Земляне on Thu Aug 26, 2010 3:15 am

short but funny.
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Re: Just joking

Post by Guest on Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:18 am

There once was a man with Tourettes
Who’d forgotten to take all his meds
Sh*t F*ck P*ss B*llocks
F*cking Ar*ehole C*nt
F*ck P*ss glands Sh*tty F*cking F*ck

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Re: Just joking

Post by madd_rocker on Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:20 pm

you need your meds Dean

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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Sat Sep 18, 2010 6:29 am

I just bought the International Cricket 2010 game for my PS3, but it doesn't work.

Does anyone know any Pakistani's? I hear they're good at fixing cricket games.
Laughing

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Re: Just joking

Post by Земляне on Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:14 am

cheap jess but its very true
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Re: Just joking

Post by GlennBacca on Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:40 pm

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poke(he)rface!
How do you get five bulbasaurs and two charizards onto a bus? You poke 'em on! (pokémon)


Last edited by GlennBacca on Wed Sep 22, 2010 4:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Just joking

Post by GlennBacca on Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:53 pm

There are two muffins in an oven. One of them says: Man it is hot in here!
And the other one says: HOLY CRAP, a talking muffin!!
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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:35 am

lol!

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Re: Just joking

Post by Земляне on Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:20 am

wouldnt the other think because he cant talk??
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Re: Just joking

Post by Jessica on Sat Oct 02, 2010 3:30 am

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy, 'But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'


You're gonna love this....



The third piggy says -



'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!


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Re: Just joking

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