Re: Just joking

by **Земляне** Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:20 am

wouldnt the other think because he cant talk??

by **Jessica** Sat Oct 02, 2010 3:30 am

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy, 'But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

You're gonna love this....

The third piggy says -

'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

by Guest Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:05 am

My wife nearly caught me watching England playing football earlier tonight. Luckily I managed to get my cock out and turn on the porn in time to avoid any embarassment.

A couple are driving home and run over a badger, they get out the car and find it' still breathing but very cold.

Husband says "stick it between your legs to warm it up"

Wife says "But it's all wet and it stinks"

Husand says "Well hold the badgers fcuking nose then"

An airplane is about to crash and a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces.
"if i'm going to die I want to die feeling like a woman"
She takes all her clothes off and asks "is there anyone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man at the back stands up removing his shirt and says "Here iron this!"

My wife asked me if she pleased me in bed?

I said yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth, " what trick?" She asks,

the one where you shut it and fall asleep!

by **madd_rocker** Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:44 am

Poor Badger!!!

by **Jessica** Sat Nov 06, 2010 5:40 am

A baby shark asks his dad, "Why do we circle people in the water with our fins showing before we eat them? Why don't we just attack?"

The wise old father shark says, "Son, they taste better without the shit inside them!"

by **madd_rocker** Sat Nov 06, 2010 10:42 am

Now, that makes all logical sense, if you're a shark Laughing

by **Jessica** Sun Nov 07, 2010 8:34 am

The lead actor in our local gay pantomime ‘Aladdin’ was bum raped live on stage last night. To be fair, the audience did try to warn him.

by **Jessica** Sun Nov 07, 2010 8:55 am

A woman playing golf watched in horror as her ball struck a man playing the next hole. He clasped his hands together at his groin and fell to the ground, rolling in agony. The woman rushed over to the man offering to relieve his pain, as she was a physiotherapist. The man refused her offer, but she insisted.

She gently took his hands away, unzipped his trousers, and slid her hand inside. She massaged tenderly for several moments then said, “How does that feel?” The man replied, “Bloody great, but I still think my thumb’s broken!”

by **Jessica** Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:13 am

A man was admitted to hospital last night after strange sex games went badly wrong. He was found to have 5 toy horses in his bum.

Doctors say his condition is stable.

by **GreasedupBadger** Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:25 am

Alzheimers protest march
"What do we want?"
"Who knows"
"When do we want it?"
"Want what?"

by **madd_rocker** Sat Nov 20, 2010 11:25 am

It shows good character to joke about one self Brock, Laughing

by **Jessica** Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:15 am

When travelling in extreme weather conditions the government advise you should carry a shovel, flask, willies, rock salt, blanket and hi-viz jacket. I looked a right prat on the bus!

Since it’s started snowing all my husband’s done is look through the window. If it gets much worse I suppose I’ll have to let him in.

Tampax have announced they will be taking the strings off their tampons this year, and they’ll replace them with tinsel. This is only for the festive period.

by **Aiden** Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:56 am

you will if you are seen to carry "Willies"

by **Jessica** Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:17 am

Rolf Harris is to release an 'Aus-Aid' single on Friday to raise funds for the Australian flood victims.

'Why's me kangaroo drowned sport?' is expected to reach #1 early next week!

by **Jessica** Sun Mar 06, 2011 5:35 am

I went to the doctor yesterday with 'Twitteritis'.

He said "I don't follow you"!

by **Jessica** Mon Mar 21, 2011 1:15 pm

Apparently the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So, every morning I slap the wife and say "Two sugars, fat arse!"

by **madd_rocker** Mon Mar 21, 2011 1:43 pm

didn't know that you had a wife Wink

by **Aiden** Thu Apr 28, 2011 2:34 pm

why couldn't the boiled egg get hard?

It only got laid a few hours ago.

by **Jessica** Sun May 15, 2011 12:34 pm

Last night I went out to our local Indian restaurant for dinner. I had curried pelican! It tasted great, but the bill was bloody enormous.

by **Aiden** Sun May 15, 2011 12:36 pm

Jessica wrote:Last night I went out to our local Indian restaurant for dinner. I had curried pelican! It tasted great, but the bill was bloody enormous.

by **madd_rocker** Sun May 15, 2011 9:34 pm

by **Jessica** Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:56 am

I phoned work this morning and said I wont be in today as I have anal blindness.
My boss asked “What’s that?”
I said “I can’t see my arse getting out of bed this morning!”

by **Jessica** Sat Aug 06, 2011 7:16 am

Two atoms were walking along a road and one said to the other
"I've just lost an electron."
"Are you sure?" replied the other atom
"Yes, I'm positive!"

by **Земляне** Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:31 am

Damn thats in Fallout 3 just a little different though:
"Two atoms are in a bar. One says to the other, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other asks, 'Are you sure?' To which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'"

Along with:
"I was going to a clairvoyant's meeting but it was canceled due to unforeseen events."

"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, 'Does this taste funny to you?'"

"I once visited a crematorium that gave discounts to burn victims."

"A neutron walks into a bar. 'How much for a drink?' To which the bartender responds, 'For you, no charge.'"

"A photon has mass? Huh, I didn't know they were Catholic.'"

by **Jessica** Sun Aug 07, 2011 2:47 am

Nice Zem!

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. As from next week, all forms will only be printed in English.

I dream of a world without plagiarism. Now you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

by **Jessica** Sun Aug 07, 2011 3:44 am

Kids have all their little SMS codes like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. so here’s some codes for the more mature…

ATD – At the doctors
BFF – Best friends funeral
BTW – Bring the wheelchair
FWIW – Forgot where I was
GGPBL – Got to go, pacemaker battery low
GHA – Got heartburn again
HGBM – Had good bowel movement
IMHO – Is my hearing-aid on
WAITT – Who am I talking to
GGLKI – Got to go, laxative kicking in

by **Aiden** Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:28 pm

There are loads of people in the town centre playing medieval instruments really badly. Will this mindless luting ever end?

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